Things You Forget About Newborns
You think you know newborns because you already had one. You have done this before and feel you are a pro. He’s two now and it hasn’t been that long ago you brought him home from the hospital, terrified of your own child. This time will be different. You know what you are doing. You have this baby thing down. But you soon realize the only thing different is you also have a toddler to chase and keep tabs on this time around.
You forget that you forget.
You will ask, ”did this happen last time?”
You will say, “I don’t remember this.”
You will question if you even paid attention with your first child.
Here’s what I forgot. Twice already.
It is terrifying to change their diaper, put their clothes on or buckle them in the carseat. You think you might break them or rip off a finger. (Note: this should only last 2 days the second go round compared to 2 weeks with the first).
They’re noisy. Especially when they’re sleeping and are supposed to be quiet. Toddlers are noisy except when sleeping and even that’s not a guarantee.
Gravity doesn’t apply in car seats when dirty diapers are involved.
They do not cooperate when you are getting them dressed. But neither do toddlers most days.
They stay up later than a college student (& binge drink) every night. Not just on Thursdays and weekends.
They have 10 razor blades that cannot be controlled, and they will cut you up.
They pee on command, just open their diaper to turn on the faucet. Or sprinkler in half the population.
They store more lint than a dryer vent between their fingers and toes.
They don’t listen. Or follow directions. Especially desperate pleas to stop growing before your eyes.
They are old lady magnets.
They are experts at making you hate your husband. At 3 AM. And when he’s out of town. Overnight.
They are selfish. Especially when you need a potty break, fix a plate of food or strip down and turn on the shower for the first time in 3 days.
They have no appreciation for a clean diaper. Or dry clean only clothing.
They have a horrible memory and a deep fear of starvation.
They are bipolar. Reference previous statement for additional info.
They have no manners. Especially related to bodily functions.
They act bulimic and aren’t afraid to waste liquid gold. All over the fresh sheets you finally changed.
They are tiny ninjas with their arms.
They love straitjackets. Or they hate straitjackets. There is no middle ground.
They are very intimidating.
They suck the life out of you.
They are bad influences.
They are late everywhere they go. And they drag you down with them.
They are tiny thieves. Stealing sleep, resources and your heart from day 1.
They are totally worth it.
